BloodPlus Monty Python
by Prustrian Informant
Summary: The bloodplus characters watch the Monty Python movies! Now featuring an anti killer rabbit system! The People's Front of Judia would like me to warn everyone that the next meeting will still be taking place.
1. Chapter 1

**CSOH: Well... um... Er... **

**Solomon: Just get on with it!**

**Crowd outside window: GET ON WITH IT!**

**Random hobo on street corner: yeah... (wheeze) get on with it.**

**CSOH: I have to wait two to four weeks for the okay from corporate and then wait twenty four more hours unless I have a hair appointment in which case then I need to hand a note to the person sitting next to me at dinner, then wash the dog before then moving all my things up the stairs around the corner and into the next room.**

**Person (don't actually know them): What if the hair appointment is today?**

**CSOH: Well you should have been paying attention. You simply not wash the dog, still hand off a note at dinner, and take all your things upstairs around the corner and into the next room. **

**Person: OH! Okay. (person and CSOH leave room)**

**Solomon: (sighs) No more Monty Python for that girl...**

**_______________________________(MUAH HAHA!)__________________(NI!)______________**

** THE ONLY CHAPTER IN THIS STORY. (maybe...)**

** _Chapter One: Chevalier Hagi and the Meaning of Life_**

IT TWAS a stormy afternoon at the Omoro. Business was so slow that Kai closed up the place at only three.

"What should we do?" Saya asked as I stared out into the spiraling gray abyss. It wasn't going to be clearing up any time soon.

"I think it's about time we got out some of dad's old movies." I turned to look as Kai started to rummage in a closet. George was often not talked about since it was a reminder of the war.

"Dad's old movies?" Saya wandered over to where Kai was pulling movies out of a beat up box.

"Yeah dad use to love these movies. He always had me and Riku watch them when the weather got this bad. Of course you never got to see them because the weather never got like this the year we all lived here." Kai paused on one movie he pulled out and glanced over at me. An evil grin appeared as he thrust the movie into Saya's hands.

"You need to see this one. It was probably dad's personal favorite." Kai got up and started to brush himself off as Saya came over and pulled me into the other room. After fumbling with putting the movie in and starting up the movie, she came over and set the cover to the film on the table. I looked down at the cover. It had a tombstone on it with the words 'Monty Python and the Meaning of Life'.

_"Kai had a terrible sense of humor,"_ I thought as the movie opened up. Kai walked in and told Saya that he was going over to see David and Julia.

"Are you sure you don't want to watch this with us?" Kai grinned as he looked at us both.

"Yeah. It's pretty important for me to go over to their place so I'll see you guys later." Kai left as Saya unpaused the film.

It made absolutely no sense. The opening scene had these elders working at an office only to minutes later turn the building into a 'pirate ship'. The men then continued by launching file cabinets at skyscrapers and destroying everyone inside. Saya found it funny and it was in a way, but it just didn't make sense.

It got better though. It then continued by having a family full to bursting with kids sing a song about... sperm. Saya's face grew molten red as she got more and more embarrassed by the song. It got even more amusing when she scooted across the sofa and I moved over with her.

After getting halfway through the movie, Saya paused the film. She was flustered as she ran from the room and into the bathroom. I leaned back and waited for her to return. The film did have its moments. The sex education scene had to have been one of the funniest moments not because of what happened in the movie, but Saya's glancing over to see how he was taking it. It had been priceless when I had winked at her and her face had filled with color.

"Sorry about that... I kinda needed a minute. This movie is completely inappropriate. I can't imagine dad's interest in this movie. And we have even heard one thing about the meaning of life." Saya sat down and looked over at me.

"I don't know about that. It has its moments." Saya blushed again before leaning against me and starting the movie back up. Saya laughed as a rather obnoxiously large man walked into a restaurant and started vomiting before eating a large quantity of food and exploding.

The people in the movie seemed to have no problem being nude and running a mock throughout the whole thing. Then when a man had his whole leg bit off and a couple men dressed up like a lion were caught and kept coming up with excuses as to why they were there, Saya laughed so hard she had her drink come out her nose slightly. She looked over to see if I had noticed as she tried to clean her nose out secretly.

Finally the film ended and Saya leaned her head back to look at me.

"Hey Hagi?"

"Yes?" Saya smiled.

"I don't think I found out the meaning of life." I smiled back.

"Maybe we should watch the movie again." Saya rolled over and frowned.

"Maybe... What do you think the meaning of life is?" I thought for a minute. The meaning of life... During the war it had been Saya and now...

"Do you think your ready to know?" Saya looked warily at me for a minute.

"Er... Yeah I think I can handle it." I moved forward until her face was only centimeters away.

"Are you sure?" Saya gulped as she started to pant.

"No- I mean yeah- I mean... um..." I pulled back. Saya's face had turned crimson as she lay in front of me. Before Saya could decide, Kai walked in and threw his raincoat on Saya.

"HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Saya threw the raincoat back as Kai sat down.

"So how was the movie?" Kai smile widened as Saya turned red and ran to her room. "I'll take that for a 'good choice Kai that was a great choice'." I walked up to where my cello was and began to play as Kai and Saya had dinner and eventually got ready to sleep. The storm howled as I thought back to Saya's question. The meaning of life...

"Hagi..." I turned as Saya walked into the room. She stopped in front of me and waited.

"Is there something you need help with Saya?" Saya shook her head as I put my cello aside. Saya sat down on my lap. "What are doing up at this late hour?"

"I was thinking... You never did tell me what you thought the meaning of life is." I pulled her close as I kissed her.

"Maybe I'll have to make a movie about it." Saya smiled.

"Chevalier Hagi and the Meaning of Life... I think I'll have to watch that one." Saya pulled me int another kiss before I carried her back to her room. Yeah... The meaning of life was definitely Saya still... and it probably always would be.

______________________________(NI!)_________________________________________

Some kinda afterward...

_**So I might make a Solomon/Saya one if this story gets enough in the reviews department...**_

_**Solomon: But you already wrote it.**_

_**CSOH: (sighs) Really... REALLY... Did you have to tell them that. They would have been blissfully unaware if you haven't told them. I hope your happy.**_

_**Solomon: (reading next part) I'm thrilled...**_

_**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**_

_**Don't flame!!! ...but please R&R...**_


	2. The Life Of Solomon

**CSOH: Hello and welcome to another addition to the wondrous world of Blood Plus... Well I guess that would be the normal... Er... **

**Old Guy: DO WE AFTA TELL YE EVERYTIME?! GET ON WIT IT!**

**CSOH: Oh not again. (clamps hand over old guy's mouth) I will get on with it. You people need to relax. For goodness sake it's a holiday! **

**Hagi: (walks into room, frowns) Are you trying to kill that guy?**

**CSOH: NO!**

**Old Guy: Such a rude young lady (runs away)**

**CSOH: I was just... (notices Hagi has no shirt on) Did you just shower?**

**Hagi: Yes.**

**CSOH: (takes in view) Oh goodness...**

**CSOH (in thoughts): HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY TO ME!!!**

**________________________(RUN AWAY!!!)_______________________**

**_Story 2: Monty Python and the Life of Solomon_**

It was another good day with the sun shining, Diva dead, and Saya fighting with Hagi. Yes, it was good to be the only guy around able to give Saya children... Well... kind of. Solomon turned off the shower and continued with his morning.

Saya walked downstairs into the kitchen looking drowsy. Apparently she and Hagi had had a disagreement about his little problem of ALWAYS doing whatever she asked and saying "If that is your wish". _"He should have known that Saya has always been mine." _Solomon smiled as Saya looked over at him.

"What would you like to do today Saya?" Saya went to the pantry and got out some cereal. As she moved sluggishly around the table, Solomon could help, but laugh a little. She was definitely not a morning person.

"What's so funny?" Solomon stopped as Saya frowned at him. She would get upset if he told her that he was laughing at her... He thought over what he could say until finally, "I was thinking about this movie I had seen a long time ago. It's a Monty Python movie. The Life of Brian. Have you ever seen it?"

"Um..." Saya thought for a moment, "...No I haven't. Why are you thinking about a movie you haven't seen in a long time? Are you planning to watch it or something?"

"OH YEAH." Solomon lied. "I was just going to go set up the DVD player. Would you care to watch it with me?" Saya finished up her food and set her plate in the sink.

"Sure. Just let me call Hagi really quick and tell him I'll be a while before getting home." Saya started toward the phone.

"WAIT! I mean... Why not let Hagi worry. After all he did upset you so much yesterday." Saya grinned as she thought it over.

"Yeah, he did didn't he... Alright let's watch your movie." Solomon fought to hold his composure as his insides shouted in triumph. Saya went into the den and snuggled under a blanket in front of the TV. So much for an outing, but at least he got to spend time with her. Solomon started his search for the movie.

He hadn't watched it for so long... _"If I remember correctly, Diva got angry because of the ending and threw it in this crate."_ Solomon went diving into the crate marked "Don't watch with her" and found it at last under the movie Twilight. He paused as he remembered how angry that movie had made her.

--------)()(------

"Why doesn't he eat her," Diva yelled. Karl crawled to retrieve his arm as Diva continued to rant. "He should just make her a vampire and leave that dump. WAIT!!!" Diva looked over at Amshel while he and Karl pieced themselves together again. "AMSHEL!! We should find these two and make him make her a vampire... Or make them chevalier."

--------)()(------

Amshel had spent the next few days telling her repeatedly that it was just a movie, poor Karl had attacked anyone who had ever said vampire around him, and the movie had been placed in the crate.

"Solomon? Are we going to watch this movie or not. I should be going if we're not." Solomon focused as he turned and placed the movie into the DVD player.

"Sorry about the wait, it was dirty." Saya smiled as the movie started up. Saya laughed as the three "wise" men went to the wrong stable and then came back to get the gifts they had given.

Old Lady: C'mon Brian we're gonna be late for the stoning if you don't hurry up.

Brian: I'm coming.

(At the stoning)

Man: We are here to stone ---- ------- for saying the lord's name in vain.

Guy Getting Stoned: So I said his name. We should be able to say Jehovah.

Ladies stoning: (in regular female voices) HE SAID IT! OH KILL HIM! (quieten as they realize they had sounded like ladies)

Man: (frowns) Are there any women here today?

Ladies stoning: (feminine voices) NO! (voices change quickly to manly) NO!

Man: Good! Now we have hereby sentenced this man to be stoned by- (one person throws stone)

Ladies stoning: YEE!! YE!

Man: (furious) WHO THREW THAT?

Saya laughed harder as the lady who threw the stone was forced to go to the back as the other "men" threw rocks as the man tried to continue and then said "Jehovah" which made them stone him as well as the original guy who was to be stoned.

The movie continued as Brian tried to blend in with the ever changing and conflicting world around him. Then when he and the People's front of Judia started to enter the roman building, a shadow appeared to the left of the couch.

Hagi sat down and pulled Saya into his arms. "Saya, I've been looking everywhere for you."

"SHHH! They're entering the Roman's base. They're planning to steal the princess away and hold her for ransom." Hagi leaned back against the couch as Saya watched the fools run into another group trying to kidnap the princess.

Guy from People's Front of...: Hey what are you guys doing here?

Guy from other group: We're here to steal the princess and make the romans leave Judia.

Guy from People's...: That's why we're here! (Shouts erupt in agreement)

Guy from other group: We thought of it first.

Guy from PFOJ: OH YEAH? We thought of it three months ago.

Guy from other group: We had this planned for over a year! (Groups start to fight)

Brian: STOP! WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING EACH OTHER! WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON OUR REAL ENEMY!

Both Groups: THE JUDIAN PEOPLE'S FRONT!

Brian: NO! THE ROMANS!

Both Groups:(go silent) oh yeah... (resume fighting and kill each other except Brian)

The guards started to chase Brian when Solomon looked over to find Hagi holding Saya to his chest. Resting his head on hers as they continued to watch the film. Solomon slowly started to ease his way until finally he had his head on Saya's lap. While starting to focus back in on the movie, he notice that Hagi was looking rather upset. Solomon smiled at that and resumed watching.

The movie went on as Brian fell into a spacecraft, ran from the romans, and finally ended up with the People's Front of Judia's small amount of remaining members. The romans had followed close behind.

Old Guy: (answers door) I'm old and tired. My back hurts, my hearing shot-

Roman soldier: We are here to search your place. It is said that fugitives are hiding here. (Soldiers run in to look for the horribly hidden People's front) You do know what happens to those harboring fugitives don't you.

Old Guy: (looks at general) NO, no.

Roman Soldier: Crucifixion.

Old Guy: (nods) Oh well. Could be worse.

Roman Soldier: WHAT'S WORSE THAN CRUCIFIXION?!

Old Guy: Could get stabbed.

Roman Soldier: But in crucifixion, you don't die immediately. It takes hours.

Old Guy: Yeah, but you get a nice view of things. (soldiers come back out)

Roman Soldier 2: No one sir. (Soldiers start to walk away)

Roman Soldier: (turns back toward old guy) You're weird.

Hagi and Saya both laughed at that. This was ridiculous. Why was he here? How had Hagi even gotten in here? Solomon got his answer as it started to rain and the water entered through the window in the kitchen. The movie continued though and the couple were too busy watching to even notice.

Brian: (on a cross among many others who were on crosses) I'm going to die here!

Guy: Don't be sad. Like I always say, its just another day. (starts to sing "Always look on the bright side of life")

The movie ended as Saya laughed at the whole thing. Solomon was far from satisfied with the movie. This had been HIS time with Saya. How dare Hagi come in and ruin it.

"Saya... Forgive me." Saya looked into Hagi's face as he apologized. "It was wrong of me to upset you-"

"I was only upset because you won't stop saying 'if that is what you wish'," Saya got on her knees on his lap and leaned her forehead against his. "I want to be with you as an equal. Diva's dead and so is that servant garbage." Hagi pulled her into his arms and the two started to make out on Solomon's couch.

"Ahem... AHEM!!!" Hagi and Saya looked over at their forgotten host and stopped their reunion.

"OH! Sorry Solomon." They got up as Saya apologized. They were heading towards the door when Saya turned. "Thanks for letting me stay the night and you were right, that is a great movie." Hagi picked Saya up and the two were gone.

Solomon turned back to the TV and turned it off. He and Brian were the same. Outsiders who both got the short end of the stick. There was a way to update the Monty Python movies. He could see it now "Monty Python and the Life of Solomon".

He threw the movie back into the crate and thought of the irony. He should have listened to the crate's warning label. Never watch it with her.

------------------------------)()(-----------------------------------

Epilogue: Why Saya and Hagi were Fighting

Saya leaned back in bed. Hagi was off getting popcorn and she was excited. They had been shopping that day when, in a movie rental place, a man had thrown the movie into Saya's hands and had said it was the perfect movie. The movie, The Fifth Element was about a man who has this random girl fall into his taxi and she ends up being some supreme being. As long as she didn't have a sister, Saya was fine with it.

Hagi returned and the two settled down for the movie... Until she had to use the restroom. "It's fine. I'll pause the movie."

"No, Hagi just keep watching I'll be right back."

"If that's what you wish." Saya froze as that stupid saying came back.

"What do you want to do." Saya tried to hold off her anger, but then Hagi had to respond.

"Whatever you want." Saya stomped into the foyer and grabbed her coat, Hagi trailing close behind. "Where are you going?!"

"Out! I'm not going to order you around Hagi! I can't handle this." Saya opened the front door and ran towards town. Hagi didn't follow and soon Saya remembered that she still hadn't gone to the bathroom.

Bladder screaming and tired as ever, Saya wandered to the hotel where she had heard Solomon lived in. It would only be for the night...

-----)()(After the main story)()(------

Hagi carried Saya into the bedroom and placed her on the bed. "Do you have to use the bathroom before I start back up the movie."

"What do you mean start back up the mov-" Saya looked over and saw that Hagi had left the flick on at the exact moment she had finally chosen to speak up about her bladder on.

"I went looking for you all last night and all day trying to figure out where you had gone." Hagi crawled next to her and pulled her into his arms. "I don't want to watch this movie without you."

------------------------------------------------)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(----------------------------------

_**Solomon: WAIT A MINUTE!!! I don't remember an epilogue at the end of that chapter!**_

_**CSOH: (watching Hagi play cello) I know... (sighs) He so awesome... You're cool too, but Hagi is still my fave.**_

_**Solomon: I AM... oh... what did you say. **_

_**CSOH: I said that you're also a great person. I mean... you have some great attributes that make you perfect in a lot of ways.**_

_**Solomon: Thank you... I think.**_


End file.
